Be Honest with your Friends!

I am deciding to make the "Be Honest" topic a series. In my experience, it is really hard for people to be honest about a number of things. Growing up the majority of Americans are taught to be honest the moment we understand the concept. But somewhere along the way many of us lose the value of being honest, especially when it comes to our friendships.

Friends are very important, however keeping them seems to be really hard sometimes. In high school and even college our friends and social status are very important, but as we mature we find that friendships either evolve throughout the years or just disappear. Part of the problem is friends just can't seem to be honest with one another. For whatever reason is it always seems to be one person that is not being honest. For example, a major problem is standing up a friend when you have plans without calling or providing some kind of explanation. Throughout my lifetime, this has always been a problem for me. I seem to have had a lot of flaky friends that can never be committed to our friendships. I used to be really hurt because they would never call to cancel they just wouldn't show up. I used call asking them what happen and why they didn't call me to cancel. If they would just call then things would be fine it's called common courtesy. But in reality, if they were true friends they would have called and said "sorry I have to cancel our plans" and honestly any reason would be fine. However, this was never the case with people I thought were my friends. I would call and say "I have been waiting for 2 hrs are you coming still?" and they would back peddle to find answers. I used to go this through this numerous times. Until I was feed up, I used to get mad and sometimes I would do the same to them so they could see how it feels. When it comes down to it they just didn't get it because I was making friends with a lot of self absorbed people and things needed to change. These so called friends were friends because I was convenient for them, but the moment I needed them they were never there. Like I said in my first blog everyone comes to me for help and advice because I go out of my way to help people. Friendships are two way streets and not one sided. I was tired of giving and giving, so instead of getting angry I just stopped calling them. I stopped being available.

My true friends are the people I can count on to be honest with me through any situation even if it hurts to hear their honesty. These people are only a handful, the rest I just consider acquaintances or casual friends. Honesty is the glue that holds a friendship together and without it friendships do not survive.

Earth Day is Tomorrow! - Things you can do to help save our planet.

Earth Day is April 22nd every year and it is becoming more and more recognized all over the world. Instead of dedicating one day to our mother earth, we should practice rituals that conserve energy and resources everyday. I know in my last blog "The Big Lay-off" I talked about some green practices to save money when being laid-off. Practices such as; multi-use meals and shopping at farmers markets. Multi-use meals are meals you can turn into other meals later on. For example, if you cook some chicken breast and have some left over you can use it to make chicken salad sandwiches for lunch the next day or left over bread crumbs and egg from a recipes that uses breading can be sauteed in a pan to make homemade bread crumbs for a salad. The easiest way to save some cash and the planet is buying at local farmers markets. You may ask how does this save the earth? Well its simple, first of all locally grown food saves man power and resources. When you by from farmers markets there are no plastic bags unless you request them and there are also no pesticides.

Besides the things that I mentioned to incorporate in your daily rituals you can also do simple things like recycling anything and everything that has the recycle symbol on it. Use less energy by leaving the lights off as much as possible. Use less water and comply with your city's water conservation plan. If you have small plastic bags from the grocery store don't throw them away; use them for small trash bags, taking your lunch to school or work and for taking your dog on a walk to store treats or pick up waste. You can also go a step further it may be a little more expensive, but you can save energy by purchasing only energy efficient appliances. You can also save a lot of cash on utility bills by installing solar panels on your roof. Solar panels cost about $25,000, but they will cut your utility bills in half.

There are so many things we can do to save our planet. There are also many websites that promote green living and energy conservation, especially now during earth day week. So check them out you will learn something new and if you practice any of the suggestions I made or the things you learn from the web you will be saving our planet and preserving it for future generations.

Blessings Always - Jen

People Just Don't Care About Others Anymore!! - Girl Fight

Monday was a pretty normal day. I was asked if I can pick up a few extra kids at my son's Jr. High. As I was waiting for all the kids in the back parking lot near the park one of the kids getting into the car said "oh my GOD look there's a fight"! Sure enough just ahead about 10 ft away there was a bunch of kids flocking together. I told the kids to hurry and get in the car. I drove right up to the crowd with my hand pressed against the horn of my van. There must of been about 50 kids and half of them ran away, but there were about 20 kids still in a huddle. By now I could see what was going on, two girls were punching another girl and by this time she was on the ground. I put my van in park and I quickly jumped out and yelled to the kids in the crowd "hey you better stop this shit right now, because I don't think any of you want to fight me?!" All the kids ran away including the girls that where beating the other girl. I got back in my car and I saw the girl that was beat up limping and walking away. I called out to the girl and I said "hey come here, are you OK sweetie" and I put my hand on her shoulder. She said no and started to tear up and I started to tear up too. I told her to jump in my car and I would drive her to the other side of the school and take her to the office. Finally, a teacher got there and he said that he would take her to the office. As I looked around I noticed all the people including two teachers just standing around not doing a thing. I was appalled that no one stepped in to do anything, but me. I am just one women and there was others that could have stopped the fight before I even got there. One man was just standing right in the midst of the whole thing like it was a show. I took a risk stepping in like I did, but I am a mother and if things were in reverse and it was my child I would want someone to help them.

I dropped off all the kids and went back to the school to make a complaint about the two teachers that didn't do anything to stop the fight and to tell the principal how everything happened. He thanked me and said he wished there were more parents like me and that he would investigate the situation. What is wrong with people? Do they just not care about other people anymore? Are they so wrapped up in their own life to even bother? Or are they afraid of getting sewed? I want to hear from you, let me know how you feel about this subject?

Blessings Always - Jen

The Big Layoff

As all of you know our country is going through hard economic times. This downward trend started really taking effect in late 2008. Huge layoffs in major companies, businesses closing and houses going into foreclosure left and right. Well I have been affected by this economic downward spiral too along with thousands of others in the United States. I was laid-off in Oct 2009 and recently found a job again in Feb 2011, but part-time in a totally new field. Being laid off is extremely hard financially and emotionally, but if you make some changes in your live it can help you weather the storm. In what to most is a huge financial loss, can actually help you find peace.

When I was laid off I started thinking about how I can make the best of the situation. At that time my family and I were going through major unthinkable turmoil and my littlest one was greatly affected, which was  causing problems at school. I thought of this time as an opportunity to help my son coupe and heal from the scars of his abuse. I knew that by being at school with him it would help him overcome his fears and he would know he had my support. In conjunction with volunteering at the school I started doing full-time school transportation for the kids that went to my son's old daycare. I also started volunteering with a cat rescue group a couple days a week too. Volunteering at these places helped me through the depression of my family struggles and the depression of being laid-off. I met tons of new people that helped me think of my own ideas to get through this long-term temporary phase in my life.

I knew I didn't want to go back to the crazy schedule and stressful environment at my old job. But I also couldn't do anything the moment with my recent Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice because while going through the steps of becoming a State Parole Officer I discovered I had an illness that can only be corrected by surgery. Having this condition prohibited me from going forward with the career path I had chosen because I was laid off and had no medical insurance. Sure I could sulk about the multiple unfortunate events in my life or I could adjust my routines and roll with life's punches. I am not gonna lie and say I never cried or complained like everyone else around me, but I quickly picked myself up and made some changes.

First to save money, I had to get rid of the beauty rituals I was accustomed to. I stoped dying my hair and limited my trips to the nail shop from every week to every 2 months. What saved my family a ton of cash was cooking at home more often, cooking multi-meal items, learning to make meals from scratch and going to local farmers markets instead of major grocery chains. Changing these habits saved me a ton of cash. Not to mention I was no longer paying for daycare or commuting everyday. Also what helps tremendously is clipping coupons and getting them online. Of course, it also helped that I was approved for unemployment and my mother moved in with me and helped with the rent.

As far as the job search goes its tough. The last time I got laid off before the major economic crisis I found a permanent job in three weeks, but those days are over. This time it took me a year and four months to find another job. Look for work everyday and not in the field you were in either per say, but just other fields you can manage to land based off of qualities and work ethics you have already attained. You can also try to attend a career school. I know of many people that have went that route and have been successful. There are also several people that started their own businesses and have been fruitful even during these economically trying times.

Sure I miss having the money and pampering myself, but the positive is I have more time to be involved with all of my kids in a more hands-on way and I see my husband more too. The part-time job was great for a while. I got to learn about something totally new and the money is not too far off from what I was making before, but things are slowing down and I am not working as much as I would like to. So I am trying new things like this blog and bidding on jobs I can do at home. When there's a will there is a way and I will make it.

Be Honest About Your Feelings!

People have a hard time expressing their feelings. I am not talking about feelings of love per say, but just feelings in general. Lately, I have come across people that would rather assume that someone feels a certain way about them than confronting the issue that creates the doubt or concern. By not expressing their feelings, people begin to make assumptions that can make situations complicated. But before I go on any further I would like to tell you a little saying my friend used to say. She said "Jen you know what assuming does?" I said what "it makes and ASS out of you and me." We both laughed because of the emphasis on the word ASS, but its true. Because when you make assumptions they are usually negative vibes regarding how someone acted toward you or feels about you. Making assumptions and not questioning the feelings that go hand and hand with it destroys friendships and intimate relationships. Its always the same gripe with assumptions "so and so did this or said this so I am not talking to them because they don't want talk to me". But the kicker is the other person usually feels the same way and both people are in the dark because they won't talk about their feelings. The reasoning behind their assumptions is fear, fear that the person actually does feel how they assumed. So people suck in their feelings instead of bringing them to the surface. MY ADVICE IS talk to your friend or lover about your feelings the worst that can happen is that their feelings toward you are true. You can either talk it out and make amends or walk away with a clear head and cut ties. But don't assume, chances are the person was just having an off day, it happens to all of us.

Blessings always - Jen

New Blog Site - real advice for real people

Hi it's me Jen!!!

I wanted everyone to know that I am posting a new advice blog. I have thought it over and I think this blog can help many different people in many different circumstances of life. Many of my friends and acquaintances throughout my life have come to me for advice for so many different reasons. I have had many crazy, trying and hard circumstances throughout my life, which have helped me gain perspective and knowledge on almost everything under the sun. I always try to make the time to help a friend in need. Through all my experiences whether good or bad I learn valuable life lessons that I like to pass on to others. So in this blog I will share these stories and advice with you. And if you don't find it in my blog ask me for advice on your subject and of course I will be totally anonymous and discreet when I share with my new followers. So check it out and I want to hear from all of you. Remember ask anything I love a challenge. (;

Blessings always - Jen